Fatherly Stuff: 5 Ways Fatherhood Will Make you a Better Man

Jul 28, 2013

5 Ways Fatherhood Will Make you a Better Man

Fatherhood is one of the greatest occupations a man will ever have in his life. The years of self-sacrifice, guidance and love that is required for us to give in order to develop another human being is amazing. While it is true that we give a lot during this journey, I've realized that much is given to us as well. To the fathers out there who are giving it all they have and wondering if it is worth it, know that it is. And not only for the benefit of your children, but for your own personal growth as well.
"How, so?", you might ask. Well, here are at least 5 ways:



1) You make smarter decisions

When you become a dad, the camera lens of life is refocused and you realize that it isn't about you anymore. Every decision you make from here on out will either positively or negatively affect your child(ren) in some shape or form. Bearing this in mind, you begin to make better life decisions. The motivation for this will stem from your desire:

  • To want to be a good example for your kids
  • To want to spend as much time with them
  • To want to live long enough to see them grow up

For example, a guy who usually has a tendency to swear will suddenly find themselves choosing their words more carefully. A guy that typically spent their time after work in bars during happy hours will instead be rushing home to see his kids. You think about being around to see your child graduate from college or get married. So you exercise, eat and take care of yourself a little better.

All around, the quality of your life will improve!




2) You become more sensitive (in a good way)

 Okay guys, we're going to take a second an talk about our feelings.
I can already hear the collective groans from you all. But c'mon! Before you click out of this post, at least hear me out:

Throughout history, man has struggled to define what it means to be masculine. The current myth of masculinity tends to lean towards physicality and stoicism : someone who can provide for his family, whittle a chair out of a tree stump with a pocket knife and the only time you might see him cry is when his favorite sports team loses. In their world, feelings were trivial pursuits reserved only for housewives and pansies.

                               "I'm sorry, I'm way too busy stabbing gorillas in the neck to talk about how I'm feeling"


A lot of boys (including myself) were thought that tears is a sign a weakness and as a result, we carried that mindset with us into adulthood and developed a habit of suppressing our emotions.

I have fatherhood to partly thank for snapping me out of that fallacy.

Seeing the miracle of both my first son  being born stirred within me emotions I didn't realize were there and on that day, I felt me warmth of my tears rolling down my cheeks. I was crying uncontrollably.

In front of the doctor and nurses.

And I couldn't care less.

This  experience along with the many others that I have shared with my family have taught me that by allowing myself to open up and be more sensitive, I can be more in tune with my kids' feelings and therefore better able to identify and meet their needs. I've found that this skill set has also helped me with connecting with others in both my personal and professional life.


3) Your inhibitions are freed

Photo Credit

Before becoming a dad, I never would have imagined that I, as a grown man, would be flapping my arms and clucking like a chicken in a crowded supermarket without needing to be commuted to an insane asylum. Before that time , you probably wouldn't see me in a hibachi restaurant sticking chopsticks on each side of my mouth, doing my best walrus impersonation.

As a father, you're less concerned with what other people think. What matters most to you is the smile that spreads across your kid's face when you perform those silly antics. With that mindset, you can channel the confidence to ace that presentation at work, or have a great interview or tear up the stage during karaoke night.


4) You become a deeper-thinker

The maturity you gain as a father gives you the ability to think about the world and your place in it. You'll realize the ephemeral nature of time and with that, the increased desire to do more with what you are given. You will ask yourself many life altering questions, among them might be:

  • What type of legacy do I want to leave behind for my children?

  • In what ways am I improving everyday as a father?

  • How has the way my parents raised and molded me, affected the way I parent my own children today?

Questions like these will lead you further down the path of manhood. I have learned that once you begin to find these answers, you cannot help but emerge a better father and overall human being.
 
 


5) People Look Up to You

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It is an unfortunate fact that fatherlessness is an epidemic that is affecting communities world wide. Despite this, it seems that the general population understands the importance of a positive father figure in a young person's life. That's probably the reason when I'm out alone with my son, that I'm usually approached and commended for what I'm "doing". To me, it's something that comes natural: He's my son, so OF COURSE he and I spend special alone time together. But to others, they see it as something that to them is a rare occurrence and worthy of walking up to a complete stranger to show their appreciation. You would have thought that I saved a life. However, after reading some of these staggering statistics from the Fatherless Generation website, maybe that is exactly what I'm doing.

Nevertheless, as nice as the compliments are, I do long for the day that strangers see me with my kids and I'm less likely to receive compliments. Because when that time comes, it would mean that seeing good dads has become more of the norm, rather than a novelty. From my observations at least, I notice a quite a few dad's who also adopt this hands on approach to parenting that are bucking the trend. Seeing that gives me hope for the next generation and future generations to come.


Is there something I missed? Do you disagree? What do you think other benefits of being a father? Comment below!

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22 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more with you on all your points. I've seen all the men in my life change because of fatherhood. The one thing that comes to mind, which may be more of a female thing, is the selflessness that occurs when raising a family.

    Great observations...thanks for sharing!

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    1. Selflessness is definitely another benefit a man receives when becoming a proactive father. I could have probably went one and added a lot more, but I didnt want to write a book! Thanks for reading

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  2. This is such a sweet post!

    xx Kait

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  3. Beautiful! You just made my husband and I remember some of our funniest/sweetest birthing room memories. Sweet photos too!

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  4. What a great post. I have been so amazed seeing these changes in my husband....I knew he would be a wonderful father, but even I have been so inspired. I think that all of these changes have made me fall for him more than I thought possible as well!

    Love your writing - thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!

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    1. Dana, it's nice to hear that you're also a witness to what the love of a child can do to a man.

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  5. You've made some brilliant points Kyle, and yes, it would be a good day when people like me don't stop and admire what a man is doing on the street or in the store with his beloved child. I just love to see men pushing the prams, playing with the kids, making silly noises and spending time out with their kids and suchlike. It's a refreshing change from watching a mother do it.
    Hopefully when people look at you and other men, it will encourage them to do the same and have a desire to want to be with their own kids more.
    A great post mate. This whole blog is a testament to great fatherhood. Keep it up Kyle.

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    1. Thank you sir, for being one of my earliest and most consistent supporters!

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  6. There is nothing like watching father and son interact with love and goofiness. And it is wonderful to see that tender, honest side come out. Beautiful points!

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    1. Thanks for showing some love! I appreciate it

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  7. Kevin, this was a great insight to the fatherly perspective! I loved it! ( I too, never thought I would cluck like a chicken... for free anyhow!!) LOL

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    1. Ummm, it's Kyle (LOL) and thank you... it's all about breaking down those barriers of what people THINK dads are like and how we really are.

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  8. One of the best parts of becoming a mother was watching my husband become a father. He is absolutely the best guy for the job, my girls are so blessed to have such an awesome daddy!

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    1. You (and your girls) sound like you have quite the daddy! Thanks for sharing

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  9. Those Fatherless Generation stats were depressing but interesting. And I agree with you that it shouldn't be unusual to see a dad spending time with his kids!

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    1. Thank you Jessica. It's all about spreading the message to these men out here that their presence is so valuable in the lives of their offspring and whatever short-term reasons they may have for wanting to skip out pales in comparison to the long term effects of their absence will be

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  10. Aww, I didn't have a great relationship with my own father but I hope my future husband improves in all of these ways when we start our own family!

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  11. Spot on! Was zooming through the grocery store with my son making engine noises. He thought it was great. Cared less what everyone else thought.

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  12. Nice post, Kyle. I think anytime people get to experience unconditional love, whether it's the result of parenthood, friendship, or even loving a pet, it's a pretty wonderful thing.

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